tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post6293297437638767171..comments2024-02-16T03:34:36.548-05:00Comments on Blah, Blah, Blah...: On a Personal NoteGini Kochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17801375495279134392noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-63899990026032857442014-04-03T03:28:48.428-04:002014-04-03T03:28:48.428-04:00Theresa, emotional abuse lasts longer than physica...Theresa, emotional abuse lasts longer than physical, so good for you for overcoming all of that. YOU are great exactly as you are and kudos to you for breaking free. {HUGS}Gini Kochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801375495279134392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-30601321480137058072014-03-14T12:46:36.968-04:002014-03-14T12:46:36.968-04:00Wow, Gini i just want to give you a big hug! I do ...Wow, Gini i just want to give you a big hug! I do not have the kind of bio-mom you have but grew up never being enough, not smart enough, pretty enough, fast enough, talented enough surrounded by sisters who were. I was bitter and angry for so long and altho, I would not call it forgivness, because that won't ever happen, I came to a point where I acknowledged that my parents were wack! and they don't matter to me. They are not part of my life and that's great with me. I hardly ever think of them and live my life in spite of them. People often say that forgivness is more for yourself than for the person who hurt you that seems trite, what helps me the most is not letting them controle even a small part of my life they cease to exist in my world because they just don't matter to me. I consider it my victory. Thanks for letting me vent.<br />TheresaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-58415164907979447652014-03-07T00:36:52.339-05:002014-03-07T00:36:52.339-05:00Thanks, I hope so. And most of us can't walk a...Thanks, I hope so. And most of us can't walk away for a long time, so there's plenty of damage. But we do persevere. It was truly proof that the adage that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is true.Gini Kochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801375495279134392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-41596631130857165822014-03-04T18:37:48.174-05:002014-03-04T18:37:48.174-05:00Thank you for writing this. I haven't been in ...Thank you for writing this. I haven't been in this situation but have had friends who were and told them it was okay to walk away. That they had to take care of themselves first and owed nothing to those who abused them. Sadly it was a rare, brave soul who could walk away before more damage. Perhaps your post will help someone out there to make their own decision to walk away and live.bfree2readhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02641521185129526714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-41718776311882393322014-02-23T01:02:35.475-05:002014-02-23T01:02:35.475-05:00Carolyne, so glad you're still with us, babe. ...Carolyne, so glad you're still with us, babe. Surviving and living well remains the best revenge. Many {HUGS}<br /><br />Love you, Mumsy. {HUGS} and *smootchies*Gini Kochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801375495279134392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-51277033174543231822014-02-22T20:21:38.232-05:002014-02-22T20:21:38.232-05:00No excuses for Gini's bio Mom. And I'm pro...No excuses for Gini's bio Mom. And I'm proud every time she introduces me as her Mum.<br /><br />Smooches, kiddo.<br /><br />MumsyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-72591233276321035502014-02-22T10:24:49.181-05:002014-02-22T10:24:49.181-05:00Gini,
It took nearly hitting a school bus full of...Gini,<br /><br />It took nearly hitting a school bus full of kids in the midst of a PTSD inspired fugue for me to finally deal with the "zombie in the closet" AKA my mother. There's a good chance that we came from the same generation of mothers that were all about appearance over substance, and as a result, seriously screwed over their offspring.<br /><br />The only joy to come with the debris of the mother/daughter relationship came when I blogged it myself here: http://mamacees.wordpress.com/2013/09/19/learning-healthy-rage/<br /><br />I am still recovering, a bit of a twist altho'- My body decided to play "Trick or Treat" a bit early this year and bless my existence with the bursting of a cerebral aneurysm heretofor unknown, and I got the scare of a lifetime when they found a brain tumor, too.<br /><br />The "HEA" of all of this is that the tumor disappeared as quickly as it showed up, and all the brain bleed healed with time....so save for some short term memory loss - I'm here. Of course, I'll never be able to do the high function accounting work I used to do, but the stress was killer anyway. Besides, was as pathetic as the Everready Bunny when he died - someone put his batteries in backwards and he kept coming and coming and coming.....<br /><br />Isn't it strange that we grow too soon old and too late wise? <br /><br />Gentle Hugs,<br /><br />Carolyne/AsneeAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06333942880440076517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-51740745022866739102014-02-22T02:25:06.322-05:002014-02-22T02:25:06.322-05:00Indeed cwyrm, indeed. And yet, people dump guilt o...Indeed cwyrm, indeed. And yet, people dump guilt onto others all the time. But we shall overcome and persevere. :-D {HUGS}Gini Kochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801375495279134392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-1539866460135490352014-02-22T00:23:22.224-05:002014-02-22T00:23:22.224-05:00I believe that...... If you love someone, you don&...I believe that...... If you love someone, you don't try to cause them grief or pain. And, friends don't make friends feel bad over very personal and private decisions. You do what you have to do to protect yourself and your family.<br />cwyrmnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-908633981455252402014-02-20T18:03:30.888-05:002014-02-20T18:03:30.888-05:00Lynn, yeah, I get tired of those who can find peac...Lynn, yeah, I get tired of those who can find peace in forgiveness trying to make those of us who can't toe their line. We're all different, and it's what works for YOU that matters. Love you, babe!<br /><br />Linda, you're awesome, and thanks so much. And I thought it was expressed beautifully. Love you, hon!Gini Kochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801375495279134392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-34108203146476866322014-02-20T07:25:03.893-05:002014-02-20T07:25:03.893-05:00Hugs my friend.. As you stated, you have a wonder...Hugs my friend.. As you stated, you have a wonderful family and friends who love you.. You are a remarkable person and one of the most compassionate people I know.. I have a wonderful mom and aside from a horrible 4th grade year when I was bullied everyday.. I had a great childhood.. I don't know that I would have made it through with as open a heart as you have.. You can tell I am not a writer lol and if this is expressed badly please excuse.. I have met some of the people that are drawn to and surround you, All that I have met have seemed loving ,friendly and down to earth folk.. I teared up as I read your post and this one line from a song went through my head.. (with one word changed) God bless the broken road which led us straight to you! Love ya my friend.<br />Lindanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-16324686646595036632014-02-20T05:09:05.287-05:002014-02-20T05:09:05.287-05:00Ah, Gini, sending hugs your way. Not because your ...Ah, Gini, sending hugs your way. Not because your biological mother died, good riddance is more like it, but because you need them for baring a part of your soul. In most situations the abuser does win just like you stated. It's only living the good life that you know you have risen far above the drivel they tried to make you believe. I am only thankful that you learned from her lies how to weave the most fantastic stories. <br /><br />My own mother would try to twist the occasional mental knife but I learned early on how to defend against it. A trait she taught me. And when I did live with an abuser for a short while, I knew that I was better than the situation and left it quickly. <br /><br />Survival is an ingrained trait and should take precedent but some just can't seem to break away. I have to agree with you...they tell lies meant to entrap you...and you owe them nothing. <br /><br />I am like you and my strength comes from anger. I don't need to look at it often but when I do I know it has helped me to forge my own path and keep me on the straight and narrow. I also have learned when to tell family to stay away and mean it. Nobody deserves the nasty me because that would make me into the people I deplore.<br /><br />Again, thank you for sharing. You are one strong lady and I adore you more each day because you are a great friend.Lynn Crainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17563978872099232823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-51312062160845656172014-02-19T19:53:50.101-05:002014-02-19T19:53:50.101-05:00Exactly, Joe. EXACTLY. Literally, my rule was -- y...Exactly, Joe. EXACTLY. Literally, my rule was -- you try to "reunite me" with my mother, you're dead to me forever. <br /><br />My grandmothers -- her mother and stepmother -- wanted my mother kept as far away from me as possible the moment I was able to break free. They were wonderful, and abused by my mother as well, and I figured if the woman who birthed her said, "Stay away," the rest of the world could take a hint.<br /><br />And I also agree that the diagnosis does not immediately demand forgiveness, especially when said diagnosee is gleefully using said diagnosis to absolve themselves of all guilt or responsibility.<br /><br />We could go on. Next time you're here or I'm there, we'll have a drink and congratulate each other on our escapes. :-DGini Kochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801375495279134392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-89564286397949218732014-02-19T17:39:41.730-05:002014-02-19T17:39:41.730-05:00Reminds me of my mother, who was/is (?) psychotic ...Reminds me of my mother, who was/is (?) psychotic (not hyperbole; a literal diagnosis), and whom I cut out of my life fifteen years or so ago. And yeah, I don't generally tell people that I cut off all contact with her, that she's never met my kids (Oh <i>hell</i> to the no!), and that my sympathy for the bad turns her life has taken since I last saw her is close to nil. Because that's when people start with the morality plays about how your mother deserves your love no matter what.<br /><br />I get you on the story-telling gene too. I'm such an odd-duck in my family--certainly being a writer is the last thing anybody would have expected. Maybe there's something about my upbringing that made me want to explore emotion in art, and made me find escape and catharsis there too.<br /><br />Every once in a while some do-gooder finds my mother in Miami, gets it into their head that they can fix her life with their fifteen minutes of involvement, does some internet PI-ing, and calls me out of the blue. Do I want to be reunited with her. Do I want to go spend my money on setting her up with better living conditions. Do I want to take her in. My most unrecognized virtue is not giving these people the F-Off they so richly deserve. So yeah, I totally get where you're coming from. Good for you for acknowledging that we don't owe our abusers anything. (And the existence of a diagnosis does not compel forgiveness; you can battle your demons without abusing anybody. I have.)José Iriartehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03653811568201804995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-25559544253797673312014-02-19T16:37:19.325-05:002014-02-19T16:37:19.325-05:00Thanks, Laura and many {HUGS} to you! Bullies DON&...Thanks, Laura and many {HUGS} to you! Bullies DON'T change -- we just have to find that we're stronger and never give up, never surrender. Gini Kochhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17801375495279134392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3499796569940981898.post-62827433544449775192014-02-19T16:34:41.801-05:002014-02-19T16:34:41.801-05:00Thank you for speaking out Gini! And let me tell ...Thank you for speaking out Gini! And let me tell you, as one who has never forgiven my abuser and who made the decision to cut him out of my life 24 years ago, I have never regretted the decision! Just because someone is blood does not mean they automatically deserve your love. I agree...bullies don't change!<br /><br />LauraLauranoreply@blogger.com