HOOK ME UP! EXCLUSIVE CONTEST
Gator Pack Two: Gigantagator Pack
No ARC, but still pretty impressive. This has the Fight the Fuglies Starter Kit containing: a personalized, signed copy of “Touched by an Alien”; a pen; a signed can of “Everhold”; all in an exclusive “Alien Tango” tote bag. Completing the ensemble are 2 cover flats for “Touched by an Alien” and “Alien Tango”, “Touched by an Alien” and “Alien Tango” posters, postcards, magnets, an Alien Collective mug.
Hey, if you can't have the ARC, this is a darned good substitute.
Question: You're faced with the largest alligator in, as near as you can tell, existence, and it's looking at you like it's snack time and you're a Snickers Bar. What do you do, dudes & dudettes...WHAT DO YOU DO?
(Not on Hook Me Up! yet? It's not too late to enter to win. Send an email to gini@ginikoch.com with "Hook Me Up!" in the subject line. We'll send you instructions. You'll get entered, and maybe you'll get lucky!)
I tell the giant gator, its time to wrestle. Mmm gators tastes like chicken, yummy.
ReplyDeletemawhaha pop goes the cherry.
Scream like a little girl!
ReplyDelete*cough* Oh wait, we're just pretending here and fantasy me can be as heroic as I'd like. Well, since I'm not a track star, I'm thinking *climb* as high I can. I've never heard of an alligator in a tree. And then shoot it. Because I'm all for protecting endangered species, especially the species of Sylvia that is being endangered by a hungry alligator.
@sylvia,
ReplyDeletehow tall is your tree?
I would start fighting and if I couldn't handle face to face I would think of a sneaky plan to take ot by surpprise and kill it!!!
ReplyDeleteTry and find something that I can use as a weapon...probably use sticks and rocks haha.
ReplyDelete@mattp As tall as it needs to be. :P I supposed it depends on the length of the gator...
ReplyDelete@van_pham I suppose a stick might help if you jammed it in the mouth so it couldn't bite down...but I bet that's a lot harder to do than the movies make it look.
ReplyDeleteSheep do look mighty tasty. hmmm I would use my ultra sonic scream on the bugger. Blast him out of the way then stomp on his withering body with my hoofs.
ReplyDeleteProceed to the front of the line and collect my winnings from Gini.
Sheep rule!
Yeah so you should all be nice to me cause.............................................................................................................. Wait for awkward expectations.
ReplyDeleteI heard through the grapevine (I have a direct vine link to Gini, envy me) that there may be some extra prizes handed out based on whose comments make Gini laugh the most. I know she loves the smack talk...so, it's on!
Booo ya alll.
@Katie,
Mmmm mutton and Gator yummy.
Maybe I'd toss a giant electro shocker into the water, just to test if gators suffer from heart attacks too.
ReplyDeleteIf that doesn't work, I'd try some explosive, and if I don't have those at hand...
I'll just use my number one weapon of choice, my messenger bag. I'll toss it to the gator, and while its busy shredding it to pieces, I'll join Sylvia on her tree.
@lacrima,
ReplyDeleteI didnt realize the Giant gator was going to be in the water. Good plan. so yummy fried gator and mutton.
:::walks up to Gator and opens purse::::where is it?:::AH HA! There it is!!
ReplyDeleteI whip out my own handy dandy CHAINSAW. (fyi it's purple). I pull the cord and the saw comes to life.
Everyone - get behind me! Matt -- get ready to make some Gator Gumbo cause it's on like Donkey Kong!!!
The Gator charges.....brrrrraw! Off goes a leg. His jaws snaps towards my head but I dodge and I'm able to seperate his other leg with ease brrrraww! Pretty soon I've got a cool Gator Jigsaw going.
Looking at Katie -- Easy Peasy. We don't need no Sheep.
Gini...I'll take Pack 2...TOO! Bwwaaahahahaha!!!
And before anyone asks "Dren, why do you carry a purple chainsaw in your purse?" My answer...
ReplyDeleteCause that's how I roll.....
:)
@Dren,
ReplyDeleteMmmm gator gummbo.
I need this pack. I'm suspicious of my neighbor! He's been lookin' a little fugly lately!!
ReplyDeleteyeah I'm with Matt on this one. Gator gummbo does sound yummy. Pot luck party! Sheep brinin the greens *wink*
ReplyDeleteDren--purple chainsaw? I know, I know thats how ya roll lol but can you even buy a purple one? For real cause if so I need to add that to my xmas list!
Sheep rule gators drool
Does it matter if you can or can not buy a purple chainsaw? all you need is purple spray paint and then any color chainsaw is purple.
ReplyDeleteLOL Matt ur such a party pooper! Take all the fun out of it! Always a Debbie Downer in the group.
ReplyDelete@Lacrima *pats the branch next to me* It's a good tree. Here, have some popcorn. But make sure you're not standing in the same water as the gator when you electri-fry it!
ReplyDelete@mattp Aw crap, now I have pressure to be funny. :P Quick, think of something entertaining...
ReplyDelete@sylvia,
ReplyDeleteHaha the only one to notice that post and that is your answer. good job.
@Katie I have my sources -- not everyone can have a purple chainsaw.
ReplyDelete@Matt -- how's that gumbo coming along? I think the troops are hungry!
@Dren Oh, I don't doubt you could fit a chainsaw in your purse. I've been studying women's purses and the best explanation I can come up with is that they are Bags of Holding (or mini TARDISes, if you're a different brand of geek). There's no other way a woman could fit screwdrivers, duct tape, bottles of water, sack lunches, full-sized notebooks, diapers & wet wipes, toys, curling irons, phone chargers, three different pairs of glasses (reading, regular and sun), Barbies, a full crochet kit, a change of clothes...all into one bag.
ReplyDeleteOkay, those all weren't the same woman, but I *have* seen each of those produced from a woman's purse. Chainsaw? Easy peasy.
What do I do? WHAT do I DO! WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?
ReplyDeleteI grab a boombox and pull a warped-version of Lloyd Dobler's 'Say Anything' moment. But instead of playing the soothing tones of Phil Collins's, I play "Baby" by Justin Bieber. THAT'S RIGHT! I Bieber-fever this gator's ass!
"And I was like baby, baby, baby, oh...!" and then I just stand back and watch that gator wither in agony.
@mattp *blinkblink* You're right, nobody else noticed. Hey everybody, Matt and I are talking about the weather. It's super boring, and you should be super boring too, to make me look better by comparison--I mean, because all the cool kids are doing it.
ReplyDelete@Danielle Egads! Not Bieber-fever! If the tones aren't enough to kill that gator, the hordes of preteen fangirls surely will be. And that qualifies as cruel and unusual.
ReplyDelete@ Danielle NOT BIEBER!!!! Gad you are going to kill the gator! lol
ReplyDelete@Dren--Matt needs to hurry it along with that gumbo. After all this fighting we ARE getting the munchies. Grass is only great for so long....
@Sylvia dont forget a measuring tape, deodorant, floss, box of band-aids, VS perfume, latest romance book, bottle of Advil...at least thats whats in mine lol
Sheep Rule Matt Drools
@Katie Dalton In mine I have a box of crayons, a toy car, a bouncey ball, a bracelet that goes clicky-clicky-clicky and therefore entertains whiney children, prescription painkillers and several doses of cold, cough, ache, cramp and headache meds, a tape measure, a pair of fold-up scissors, chapstick, hand lotion, *takes a breath* notebook with handy lists, latest novel, Sharpies, pens, highlighters, reward/loyalty cards, and the aforementioned crochet kit with hooks, needles, stitch markers and a second pair of fold-up scissors.
ReplyDeleteI'm really not sure what the point of typing all this out was. Uh. Once I started I couldn't really stop.
And despite all that, if my purse gets lifted I won't give a crap. I keep my phone and my wallet in my pockets. My purse really is nothing but a bag of useful sh!t.
Looking at everyone...Anyone have a Kindle in their purse? I do :) Her name is Precious and she has a purple skin and a purple sleeve (yeah I love purple).
ReplyDeleteBut the best thing I have in my purse ... is Gator Pack One & Two.. cause it's in the bag man!!!
WOW ok I know that was corny as all get out but I just couldn't resist. LOL
Dren! What are you doing? LOL. Step away from the Gator Packs! I have my mad skillz pen and I know how to use it.
ReplyDeleteAfter de-eyeing the Gray Big Eyed alien my pen has crazy practice at poking things in the eye, so I would poke the gator in the eye and then feed my co-workers to him so at least he would have something to distract him with and then I would run as fast as I could.
@Dren No, I am too broke-as-a-joke to own an ereader. T_T
ReplyDeleteBut I'll admit I grinned at your "in the bag" pun. ^_^
@parajunkee Wow, you must not like your coworkers much.
ReplyDeletesame here, too broke for the kindle. :)
ReplyDeleteps--forgot to say Sheep Rule Matt Drools
ReplyDelete@Dren,
ReplyDeleteI'm trying im trying. the zombie sheep aren't be compliant with me chopping them up to put in the gumbo.
why is it men always have an excuse?
ReplyDeleteSheep Rule Matt Drools
@Sylvia,
ReplyDeleteHows the weather?
@Katie,
ReplyDeleteIt's not my fault YOUR sheep aren't letting me chop them up for gumbo.
well duh! I thought u were taking care of the gator? hmmmmm We want gator! We want Gator!
ReplyDeleteMen are so slow sometime...gad us women have to do everything! lol
Sheep Rule Matt Drools
@katie,
ReplyDeleteWell yeah i am taking care of the gator, but im having to cut up the chunks of your zombie sheep that were in the gator.
@Matt Rainy with a chance of ARC. (Get it? Noah's arc? Oh, I crack me up.)
ReplyDeleteHow's the weather wherever you are?
chop chop, we gettin old over here! Let Dren take over with the chainsaw.
ReplyDelete*moves Matt aside to let the women take over*
Pfft. Men.
Sheep rule Matt Drools
Let's see....I think I'd get the heck out of there! I'm a sissy...no fight left in me after 5PM!
ReplyDelete@Sylvia,
ReplyDeleteIt was rainy earlier nice now. just really hot.
@Katie,
oh ok now i get what you mean, let Dren use the chainsaw to cut up your zombie sheep instead of my sword.
@matt not MY undead zombie sheep! The Gator! Men!
ReplyDeleteyou gotta tell them over and over. gee wiz
Sheep Rule Matt Drools
@Katie,
ReplyDeleteOh ok yeah dren already was cutting the gator up for me.
@matt- thats right the ladies are doing all the work. To the back of the line Mr. We came. We fought. We won.
ReplyDeleteBow down
Sheep Rule Matt Drools
@Katie,
ReplyDeletek k i got it. hows this.
Move over Dren, let me finish slicing up the gator before katie has a fit.
Goes back to trying to finish the gumbo, would be easier if i didn't have to stop paying attention to it to fight my way through you crazy people to the prize.
@matt well damn man we do all the work AND we gotta slice dice and cook the gator?! I mean come on! Lend a helping hand. We will let u look at what we win. Is that not enough for u man! gee wiz
ReplyDeleteSheep Rule Matt Drools
okay to not get eaten by a gator. I would have a time piece from Peter Pan and have the gator listen to it..tick tock
ReplyDeletetick tock tick tock and then once it was asleep tie up the mouth, and then skin it and then eat it.
because it tastes yummy
@Katie,
ReplyDeleteHey i am helping. well I'm trying to help at least. MMM gator is soo yummy though. tastes just like chicken.
I like Julie's idea. The song form Peter Pan would do a really good job to take out the gator.
@Matt Gator boots and a Gucci suit....
ReplyDeleteBack to the kitchen! lol
The tick tock would just start to TICK me off. Break the clock! Break the clock!
Sheep Rule Matt Drools
@Katie,
ReplyDeleteYeah not even sure how to answer that.
@Matt rendered speechless. Misson Accomplished ;)
ReplyDeleteSheep Rule Matt Drools
@Katie,
ReplyDeleteAww thanks for that.
I take the rubber band out of my hair and use it to fling it into the gators mouth, where it catches it's teeth and hold it's mouth open, momentarily stunning it leaving me time to run.
ReplyDeleteGator, smator! I'd shear the sucker. I've got my sheep shears right here. Without that alligator skin, the darned thing would be too embarassed to attack. BUT before the shearing, I'd duct tape the jaws shut. They do that on Animal Planet, don't they? Wow! I've got to buy some more duct tape!:D
ReplyDelete@Katie,
ReplyDeleteWow now who's speechless?
@Matt me? NEVER! lol Don't you have some cooking to be doing?
ReplyDeleteSheep Rule Matt Drools
@Katie,
ReplyDeleteThe Gumbo is in the slow cooker. should be done by the time i get back from studying.
@Matt this better be the best gumbo I have EVER tasted! lol
ReplyDeleteSheep Rule Matt Drools
@katie, it will be. only thing is, how do i get it to you?
ReplyDelete@matt email me a pic :)
ReplyDeletek28dalton@yahoo.com
I can pretend to eat it lol
Sheep Rule Matt Drools
What do I do? I open up my purse and pull out my...Ginsu knives - they slice, they dice, and voila! Alligator stew!!!
ReplyDelete@SylviaSybil
ReplyDeleteHaha so true. I should maybe poke it in the eyes, the gator won't be able to see what's coming. *throws rocks*
I take out my boom box and pump up the soundtrack to "Mama Mia". Gators love ABBA.
ReplyDeleteAll this talk about Gumbo is making me want some!! But don't get it twisted. I'lll still *Thwack* a Book Blogger to get this prize pack!!
ReplyDelete::::::scanning growing crowd of comments:::::
After we eat though. LOL
well.. I don't think I would be able to outrun it.. I'm really not that fast. I would definitely stay away from the water and its mouth. That's a given.. but how to kill it?? Lets see, Could I drive over it? Or is it too big? Well, this is a fantasy - so I guess I would run over it with a massive car. And of course, I would be sure to use the "double tap". Yes, Zombieland makes a good point.
ReplyDeleteI would invite the gator to my favourite restaurant and talk with him about the strange habits of humans and maybe we could watch Lake Placid after our meal.
ReplyDeleteOk, if a gigantic gator is coming after me I would definitely have to wonder why my life took this weird direction.
ReplyDeleteThen of course I would have to find someway to distract it until I could get to my truck and run the thing over again and again. Once it is really dead then you sell the giant thing to someone so they can taxidermy it up and then sell it to one of the sporting goods or other stores where dead animals are popular.
OMG does peeing my pants count? No, okay I will be a big girl and scare him away with my death glare and the extra huge Jehovah's Witnesses' bagde I carry around for exactly these situations. Nothing scares gators away like the threat of endless religious monologues. ;)
ReplyDeleteI do my zombie Thriller dance.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. It's scary.
Even to alligators the size of a semi.
@Amber yes that would probably work or the macarena I'm pretty sure that would stop a gator.
ReplyDelete@ Amber Scott - if your zombie Thriller dance comes with a back-up bridal party and/or accompanying inmates from the Cebu Provincial detention centre then *THAT* will most definitely kick gator-ass!
ReplyDeleteBonus points if you can get Jennifer Garner involved ... or am I the only one who loved 'Suddenly 30' (what?! Mark Ruffalo is the thinking woman's heart-throb!)
What do I do? I throw him the snickers I always carry in my purse for those moments I want to feel satisfied and then when he chops on it... I use the handy dandy duct I always carry in red to tape his mouth shut. Problem solved!
ReplyDelete@Sylviasybil --- Climbing tree probably not but if its a huge one couldn't it just knock it over and boom. So you are a species on to yourself... shhh don't let Gini hear that.
ReplyDelete@Amber Scott - Zombie thriller dance -- like in the video... I think we need to see this for ourselves. Youtube video maybe. We can make it go viral.
ReplyDelete@ Dren - in the bag I don't think so... you already have way to much stuff in that bag -- it all being purple of course so you couldn't possibly fit in the Gator Pack or the Gigantagator Pack (besides I heard nothing is purple!)
ReplyDelete@Marnie, well I do believe your plan might work if the Snickers bar was big enough but as you said you only have one in your purse and thus most likely would instead be maimed while trying to duct tape the alligator's mouth shut
ReplyDelete@becky -- but its King Size and I have the fastest duct tape draw this side of the atlantic.
ReplyDelete@Marnie, well then you may just have a chance of this working, either way it would make a great YouTube video. :)
ReplyDeleteMake a wall of real snickers bars and run like hell before the gator is done with them D:
ReplyDeleteCOME AND GET YOUR GATOR GUMBO!!!!
ReplyDeleteOnce i figure out how to post a photo on here.
@mattp, you should make some gator jerky too.
ReplyDelete:::sliding glasses up on nose:::
ReplyDelete@Marnie - I'll have you know, Purple is the color of Royalty. Purlple Chain Saw. Purple Kindle. Purple Purse. BOOM!
Gaters, Book Bloggers -- WHATEVER. You'll all be jig-saw puzzles by the time me and Cherrie the Chainsaw get thru!! Gator pack Two is MINE!!!!!
What do I do?
ReplyDeleteHmmm... it depends.
If I'm with a friend, then I throw my slow friend at the gator so he can get munched while I beat feet. hey! I never said it was wise to be my friend :oP
If I'm alone, then I guess I'd have to resort to using my knife to pluck out it's eyes and then roast them like marshmallows. Mmmmm...roasted eyeballs. yummy!
Disclaimer: Solution #2 only works in a fictional setting; solution #1 works equally well in either a fictional or real setting.
@Becky,
ReplyDeleteI could try to make some gator jerky. i do actually have a jerky maker.
*mumbling to himself* Now where did i put that jerky machine. Was it next to the Gator gumbo or was it next to the bowling alley.
It's feeding time for this Vampire here... so, it's Gator sucking time for me =D
ReplyDeleteWell, first I relax slightly, because it's not a salt water croc, and people, those are NASTY.
ReplyDeleteThen I would think, 'okay, no, it's not a monstrous salt water croc, but it's still a GIANT REPTILE WITH REALLY SHARP TEETH, and it's not even like I'm going to be eaten by a dinosaur, which would bring a moment of geeky happiness as I left this mortal coil.'
I would do a mental tally of all possible weapons I had on me, which includes my swiss army knife, several pens, a sonic screwdriver (yes, REALLY!), my mobile phone, and several delicious macaroons.
At this point I would run like hell for the nearest tree, where I would first ring emergency services, and then happily sit eating delicious macaroons and taking photos of the giant crocodilian on my phone so I could post them on facebook.
@felinophile, wow I like your style so do you always have macaroons around in case of emergency?
ReplyDelete@felinophile -- Sonic Screwdriver -- just how did you get this off of the good Dr. and where can I get one for myself. I like how you didn't sacrifice the macaroons.
ReplyDeleteDo i even want to know why a doctor has a sonic screwdriver?
ReplyDeleteThat sonic screwdriver is a multipurpose device - what I really want to know what else the Doctor has in his pockets because they are like the Tardis ;)
ReplyDeleteBut if I have to defend against a gator I would disguise myself as a gator and that way he would think I am just harmless buddy
@Has I don't know how long you plan to stay in the gator suit but good luck with that. :)
ReplyDelete@Becky: Occasionally. Other times I have cookies. You know, for emergencies. You never know when you migth want a cookie.
ReplyDelete@MarnieColette: Blatant thievery. Just keep an eye out for a big blue box, and wait for opportunity.
@Becky: Occasionally. Other times I have cookies. You know, for emergencies. You never know when you migth want a cookie.
ReplyDelete@MarnieColette: Blatant thievery. Just keep an eye out for a big blue box, and wait for opportunity.
@Becky: Occasionally. Other times I have cookies. You know, for emergencies. You never know when you migth want a cookie.
ReplyDelete@MarnieColette: Blatant thievery. Just keep an eye out for a big blue box, and wait for opportunity.