Saturday, May 2, 2009

Movie Review: Wolverine

Warning: Major Spoiler Alerts from a Major Comics Geek Girl

(That is, spoilers that will tell you nothing about the actual narrative of the movie, but which will, for some of you, spoil the overall experience. For the rest of you, it'll make it better. Trust me.)

The hubs and I just saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I'm huge into comics but I lean towards Marvel over DC (and, yes, there are many others besides the Big Two, but this isn't a comic book blog post, so deal), ergo I know a lot about the Marvel Universe, and the X-Men Universe in particular. Ergo again, I'm an educated viewer, at least in terms of the source materials -- my people are the people the movie-makers of this sort of movie are terrified of enraging. So, let's get some things taken care of right up front.

Most Important Selling Point for Instant and Repeated Viewings: Hugh Jackman is NAKED in this movie! Oh, sure, not for too long, but we definitely see bare butt and total bare torso, and for more than one scene, too. And we get to see his naked chest a LOT. So, the movie is awesome and I will own it the moment it comes out on DVD.

Most Outrageous Trampling of Comics Fans' Precious Memories: What they've done with Deadpool is a travesty. It ruined the movie for the hubs and the chicklet, since Deadpool, aka The Merc With A Mouth, is a family favorite. He's awesome at the start of the movie, but trust this comics geek girl when I say that what they do with him at the end is NOT Deadpool. Why bother to cast the perfect guy as Deadpool -- Ryan Reynolds -- and then proceed to do what they did with him? Travesty doesn't begin to cover it. (And Ryan wasn't undressed nearly enough, either.)

Most Relieved Moment: They didn't screw up Gambit. Taylor Kitsch wasn't my idea of Remy LeBeau -- but Hugh Jackman wasn't my idea of Wolverine, either, way back when -- but he does a great job and is allowed to stay. (Taylor's clothes remained on. This is a bad trend, movie-makers.)

Best New Hottie: Daniel Henney, who plays Agent Zero, is a total and complete babe. The movie's biggest failing, right after the Deadpool stuff? Zero was never naked. In fact, they barely let him unbutton the top button of his shirt. I want to see more of Daniel Henney and by that I mean I want to see a LOT more. (It's now official -- the movie-makers need to reshoot a great variety of the supporting actors' scenes. Maybe the deleted Black Ops shower scene will make it into the DVD extras. A girl can dream.)

Best Uber Villain: Liev Schrieber was awesome as Sabretooth. I've seen him be a villain before (Phantoms -- Affleck was da BOMB in Phantoms...points to those who know where that line comes from) so I know he can do it. But he was amazing and added much needed depth and layers to the Sabretooth character. (For those keeping score, Liev's also not naked in this movie. For shame, movie-makers! Hugh's a big enough guy [heh] that I'm sure he was willing to spread the on-screen nudity around to the other guys. I expect the next movie to be X-Men Origins: Mutants Take Showers, or there'll be some s'plainin' to do.)

Special, Personal Note to the Movie-Makers: I'm enraged about the total lack of male nudity of the hottie supporting characters. We'll cross blades over what you did to Deadpool, but if I get naked pics of Ryan Reynolds and Daniel Henney in the mail, all might be forgiven.

Now, for the stuff movie critics are supposed to care about -- the narrative, the story arc, the effects, the production values, the acting, the stunts.

Movie was awesome, Travesty Moment and lack of supporting hottie nakedness aside, and I suggest you see it pronto. Hugh's naked scenes start early and come often, so no bathroom breaks. Hugh Jackman is NAKED in Wolverine. Truly, 'nuff said. (Hey, I'm an author and a comics geek girl, not a critic.)


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Anonymous lostgirl said...

Oh my effing god.. Gini.. I spewed water all over the screen and I'm still choking on it from laughing so hard.

You suck. Just saying.

I totally have to go out and see it although I have to admit to supreme disappointment over the Ryan Reynolds nudity.. He's one of my favorite hotties on the planet.

May 2, 2009 at 9:18 PM  
Blogger . said...

I'm outraged by the lack of supporting hottie nudity, 'Girl. OUTRAGED. I demand "X-Men Origins: Hot Mutant Males Take Showers". Demand it, do you hear me?

*sigh* Movie was great otherwise, though. (Deadpool...we barely knew ye!)

-- Gini

May 2, 2009 at 9:20 PM  
Anonymous lostgirl said...

Well as long as no one drops the soap -- I'm all for it.

I mistakenly tried to watch Brokeback Mountain (I didn't know what it was about -- probably the only person who didn't) and it didn't do a THING for me. :P

May 2, 2009 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger . said...

Individual showers would be fine. I just want the camera to linger and spend some quality time. Sure, we got SOME with Wolverine, but I think Agent Zero, Deadpool pre-travesty ending, Sabretooth whenever, and Gambit all deserve their own shower scenes. Pronto.


May 2, 2009 at 9:25 PM  
Anonymous Jeff Winbush said...

Okay...I get it there was PUH-lenty of eye candy for the ladies, but was the movie any friggin' good besides the hunka-chunks of burnin' love?

Inquiring minds and straight men want to know.

May 3, 2009 at 3:27 AM  
Blogger . said...

Yeah, Jeff, honestly, it was great. If you don't really follow the X-Verse, and/or you don't give a rat's about Deadpool, I'd call it superb. A non-stop thrill ride all the way through. If you're into the X-Men, look at it as the origin story for this particular X-Verse (the movies' universe) and it works perfectly.

If you're a big Deadpool fan, be prepared for a great beginning and then epic disappointment, however.


May 3, 2009 at 12:52 PM  
Blogger Martha Flynn said...

I'm really glad I read this post. I'm about an hour away from seeing X-Men and was going in with high nudity expectations. At least now I will only be bitterly disappointed, as opposed to surprised and disappointed.

May 3, 2009 at 6:12 PM  
Blogger . said...

Well, the Wolverine nudity's good. Not ENOUGH, mind you, but good. It's the others all being mostly fully clothed that's the downside. Some nice bare arm shots, but not nearly enough.

Did I mention that Agent Zero has like no skin showing other than face and hands? *sigh*


May 3, 2009 at 7:29 PM  

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